For the girl working the drive thru and trying to cover the pain,
It was a late night, we realized we had not yet eaten dinner, and it was too late to cook. We knew the easy option would be to just run through a drive thru. I hopped in the car and drove down the road, ironically it was a food place I didn’t really go to quite often.
I went through the drive-thru, and placed my order. When I pulled up to the window and paid, I saw you working in the drive thru and noticed that you were acting a little different. You were friendly, said the usual comments, took my card and ran it, and told me my food would be out shortly. I smiled and waited patiently, not thinking about the situation anymore, after all I was just another customer ready to get his food for the night. A few seconds later, you opens the window and ask if I wanted any sauce, or extra napkins, it was at this moment I saw it. The reason you had been moving so awkwardly and acting funny was because you were trying to hide what was being exposed. You were trying to cover up your arms. This time, however, you did not, and your arms revealed a story. You didn’t realize the story that was being told was a tale that drew a lot of unexpected emotion out of me. It was a story of scars, a story of a girl in pain, and it was a story that was stuck in a repeated mode because of all the scars going up both sides of your arms from just above the wrists, to where her uniform polo met your arm. It was quite clear that this young lady had been cutting herself on a regular basis for quite some time.
My heart hurt so bad at this unexpected discovery.
Sensing the opportunity and the conviction that poured over me I made a game plan to talk to you when you handed me my food. In fact I knew what I was going to do, I was going to pray with you, maybe offer a word of encouragement and even tell you about my savior Jesus.
You came back to the window, handed me my bag, and closed the window.
I froze. I had realized I had not even had the chance to say thank you, let alone pray with you.
I left, feeling absolutely crushed.
Self-harming, cutting, and suicide are all things that I thought that I would never understand. why people would do it why people would feel the need but the longer that I’ve been a youth pastor I see it more and more and I realize why people cut and why people harm themselves as I hear story after story of teenagers other people who cut and mutilate and self harm the same thing common.
They don’t feel like they are in control of the situation, and they feel that they can control their pain through a blade.
They don’t feel loved.
The cutting allows them to feel something. It helps them feel alive in a dead love society.
To the girl working the drive thru, and trying to cover her pain I am sorry, I failed you.
I am sorry that I did not show you the love that Christ has demonstrated toward me.
I am sorry that in my hesitation, I became fake.
I don’t know if you will ever hear this or read it or whatever, but what I want to tell you is that Jesus Christ can give you the comfort and control and care that you need he said in his word to cast all your cares upon him because he cares for you.
Jesus can show you love, where I failed to.
Tonight I will go home to my wife, and my children.
Tonight I don’t know where you may go, but whatever circumstance you may be in whatever pain you may feel whatever torment you might be going through whatever torture your soul and mind is putting you through on a daily basis every single day whatever it is, whatever it may be, whether it is to conform to an image or maybe to satisfy peers or maybe to try and look attractive…
Please realize you are beautiful in God’s eyes and number two you don’t have to rely on a knife when you can rely on Christ whose love goes beyond anything that we can ever imagine. If you struggle with pain if you struggle with depression if you struggle with thoughts of self harm cutting or suicide know that God loves you so much, when it feels like no one else does, or when a pastor you have never met fails to demonstrate that love. God loves you.
Pastor Chris – Psalm 29:11